The Silent Treatment

Relationships between people of different cultures (regardless of sex) will often require more effort in order to overcome the inherent differences in communication. When one culture values a certain trait that another culture sees differently, the chance of cultural misunderstandings greatly increases. Thus it was with interest I discovered and learnt about the use of silence as a method of communication in Japan.

In Japan, where the focus is very heavily weighted towards the avoidance of conflict and the preservation of harmony of the group, silence is often used to determine the direction in which the group will move towards making a decision. When an opinion is offered, it is offered very tentatively, using very polite language, and withdrawn immediately if there is disagreement. As such there is a lot of "umming and aahing" resulting in long meetings, which to the uninitiated foreigner, appears that not much progress is being made.

By contrast, in Western culture, where the focus is primarily individual-based, offering your opinion is seen as more of a right. Disagreeing outright with someone else's opinion is not seen as rude, but rather as honest, and as being of importance to the end result. In Japan the strong proffering of personal opinions and ideas without consideration to the group and its harmony is viewed very negatively indeed. If a foreigner is unaware of the communication style in Japan, the potential for cross-cultural communication misunderstandings to occur can be high.

Over and above that, the Japanese also believe that it is better to say nothing at all, than to speak your mind and cause misunderstandings or accidentally offend someone. Therefore if you were unfortunate enough to cause offence, it is unlikely that you would find out. The most likely outcome would be that the advancement of the project or idea would slow considerably, and may even stop all together. For those not in the know, this could be very confusing indeed.

Social status also impacts communication here in Japan. It is considered extremely impolite to disagree with an elder person (in society) or a superior (in the workplace), no matter what your personal opinion. As such, the concept of "honne" and "tatemae" are also important. "Honne" refers to your own personal beliefs and opinions, which are rarely disclosed to others, and "tatemae" refers to more general ideas which are deemed to be non-offensive, and which you will actually communicate to others.

In personal interactions, you will soon know if you have made the mistake of offending a Japanese person by the way in which they communicate with you. Japanese people would rather say nothing at all than say something hurtful or disagree with a person. Hence where in western culture, if a disagreement occurred, the parties would generally talk about (or yell about) what is going wrong. In Japan the appropriate action is to say nothing at all, until the person concerned has privately processed their emotions and feelings and feels that they can resume a friendly (talking) relationship once again.

While this may be seen as immature or childish in other cultures, in Japan the Silent Treatment is seen as an adult and mature way to deal with an uncomfortable situation until it passes. For foreigners it can be hard to understand as the natural reaction is to talk about the situation. In Japan however, restraint and silence are seen as rising above the situation. If you think about it though, perhaps the Japanese are just practicing the age-old wisdom of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".