Indirectly No

One of the key factors that have enabled the Japanese to survive in a landscape fraught with difficulty has been their ability to harmonize as a group. Recognizing the importance and far-reaching consequences of this fact cannot be underestimated. In the past, rice was the single most important commodity that people could produce and it is a mark of Japanese ingenuity (something that the world appreciates today in the production of ever-more sophisticated electronic goods and gadgets) that they were able to glean so much from this humble crop. Rice was not only used as food and in cooking, it also performed such functions as roofing homes and providing flooring, shoes, and baskets. And when the day's work was done, people were rewarded with its most tantalizing product – sake.

The cultivation of rice in the landscape and climate that the islands offered required concerted, consistent effort from people working and living closely together, without exception. Survival as an individual was impossible, for although rice could be supplemented with fish from the sea and meat and vegetables from the mountains, its pervasiveness throughout every other aspect of life was such that without it, life was simply not possible. Combine this with the isolation imposed on pockets of people by the mountains and a society that offered its subjects no legal protection, and one can begin to get an inkling of just how important “the group” became as a blueprint for society. And for the group to function successfully, harmony within it was of primary importance.

Understanding the roots of the concept of harmony goes some way to explaining why, traditionally, most Japanese will go to great lengths to avoid any form of confrontation with others. The act of apologizing has been ritualized almost into an art form and people seem much more willing to accept responsibility than perhaps they are in the West. This is not just when mistakes are made, but also in preparation or expectation that they might be. This willingness to accept personal blame can be taken to such an extreme, that it is not unusual for a boss to take the flak for the failings of a team member when working on a project or for their rudeness or poor performance.

Of course the Japanese have a word for “no,” but it took me several months of living in Japan before I even learned what it was. This is in direct contrast to “yes,” which is spoken so profusely that it is heard all the time. Do not, however, make the mistake that this means the Japanese do not say “no” or that they are easily persuaded to your way of thinking! The tricky thing about Japanese is that someone can be saying “no” to you, even though it actually sounds like “yes!” In order to achieve the all-important group harmony, for generations it was drummed into people that at all costs, they must avoid the kind of direct responses likely to offend or cause disappointment. Since “no” is exactly the kind of answer that can be interpreted as confrontational, leading to disappointment and bad feeling, the Japanese believe that it must be avoided. As a result, the meaning of hai as an interjection in conversation has, over time, changed from simply being a word of agreement as in “You’re right,” to being more akin to “Yes, I heard you,” or “Yes, I am listening.” Understanding this is of prime importance when communicating in Japanese.

Following this line of thought, a Japanese speaker will rarely declare his true opinion with an expression such as “It seems to me” or “In my view,” even though inside he may feel it passionately. Tentative expressions such as “Don't you think so?” that defer the point back to the listener are expected and failing to use language like this will not create a good impression. One advantage of using vague expressions is that it has the effect of depersonalizing the conversation to a certain extent. This then allows the other person room to disagree with the view without implying that it is the person who is wrong. It also gives the speaker a chance to change their view after considering what the other person has said.

This approach to communication is so vastly different from the direct manner used and advocated by Westerners that there is tendency to feel frustration at the indirectness. A person may also come away with a strong sense of insecurity as to the intentions of a Japanese speaker, who they perceive as having been less than honest in not sharing their own view. It would be more helpful and proactive to view the Japanese approach not as containing an intention to deceive, but as an effort to be as cooperative and flexible as possible. A happy medium between two parties, one Japanese and one Western, can usually be reached through both adopting a little of the other’s approach.

Another representation of indirectness in Japanese communication is the use of signs – both verbal and non-verbal. These are known as aizuchi and their primary function is to act as confirmation that everything is being understood. If we think of a conversation as a song set to invisible music, then aizuchi are the unacknowledged beats that keep the rhythm going. A recent study of injected aizuchi, such as hai, ee, so desu ne, and naruhodo, found that in the average Japanese conversation, they occur every few seconds! It must be noted that not all aizuchi express agreement with the speaker. The listener will often add expressions such as Aa, so desu ka? (is that right?) and So iu koto mo aru no desu ka? (can that be true?). This form of aizuchi is to let the speaker know that the listener is paying attention; it is not meant to contradict the speaker or throw doubt into the conversation.

For a foreigner, aizuchi can sometimes lead to confusion. The speaker may misconstrue these expressions as a sign of agreement where none is intended. Ironically, a lack of aizuchi by a foreigner can lead a Japanese speaker to feel that he/she is not being understood. Without the beat of the conversation being marked out by the listener, the speaker can lose confidence and begin to feel that the listener would rather be somewhere else.

As has been previously mentioned, successful communication relies as much upon the expectations of the participants as it does their language ability. It stands to follow and is probably worth remembering that someone who is not used to saying “no” is also not used to hearing “no.” This can mean that a Japanese person does not really hear “no” even if it is spoken directly. How many times have you been offered food or drink in a social situation that you have politely declined, only to find your glass or plate full again? Perhaps in cases like this, actions will speak louder than words and if you really don’t want any more, the best thing you can do is make your excuses – very politely of course - and leave!